What Have I DONE?!

Good morning. You know the feeling. You did the thing you swore on everything you'd never do again. Now it's the next morning and the house is quiet. Too quiet. And underneath the quiet, something in you is already bracing because part of you already knows what's coming. You're waiting for the silence to turn into a verdict. You're waiting for God to finally say the words you've dreaded your whole life. I'm done with you. I've worked with you all these years, your whole life. Ever since you placed your faith in me, even before. And you keep messing up, and you keep messing up. That same thing, that same hurt habit or hang up, that same sin, you keep going back to it. And I'm done with you. It's what you dread to hear. But you expected to hear it. Every time you fell under the struggle, you expected to hear it. The morning after the worst thing these people ever did. And what God does when the silence finally breaks isn't what a single person in that camp expected. And honestly, if we read it, we wouldn't expect it either. Let's be real. As we go through this passage, this is Friday, being recorded live Friday. Good morning to everyone. God bless you all. Love you all. You are a blessing to me. And I pray this will be a blessing to you. In our heads, we've been working through, I think this is day eighty-four. In our heads, we've been working through this. This whole process. No matter what I do.

And in our minds we say, well, God's just like my dad or my mom or my spouse or grandma, grandpa, or whoever in your life that holds influence. And you say he's gonna be just like that. Even though he's not like that.

Even when he could be or even should be, he's not like that.

But that's what we expect. Every day, every failing, large or small, we expect God to go, you know what? That whole sending Jesus to be tortured and murdered on a cross, made of wood that I built, the tree that I created. He died and he was separated from me for three days. And he bore on his shoulders his perfect heart, his perfect soul. And you weren't worth it. And this is why. And then the three words we dread to hear. How could you? We think in our mind that that's what God is thinking. Every single person in that camp. Every single person in that camp. They all thought that's what was coming. I don't know about you. I can I can't I don't know your life. I can't speak to your struggle, but I can speak to mine. I can speak to the hundreds, if not thousands, of people that before I got hurt, I counseled. And they say the same thing. Why would God ever have any second more patience with me? Miss Colleen can tell you this is one of the biggest struggles that I have in my life. And it took someone by the name of Nancy Flanagan to speak a word into my life. And I I have to tell you, I'm I think probably 99% of people that say the Lord gave me or I'm prophesying or whatever. They're full of it. Most of them. But there are some that are genuine. And one of them is Nancy Flanagan, and she spoke a word into my life that she could not possibly have known because she didn't know me. And only God and one other person. Only God and one other person knew. So when I speak of this, and when I read this, I don't know how many times. I I honestly don't know how many times I've read.

I I think 38 times through the Bible.

And every time I read this, and I knew this day was coming, by the way. So I wrote a lot. And as many of you know, you know, I do the. She's not an advertiser, but this is not your standard cover. It's um it's Unreal. Moose Works Bible. She rebinds. She's amazing. Does it by hand? So I was looking through it. We had six of them done, and these are the six that I'm gonna give specifically to family. And and as I was reading through my notes, I read through some things that I wrote that were particularly vulnerable. There's no point in writing lies in your Bible, no point in glossing over things. And I must have really been going through it because I write the date generally, I write the date. If I have a thought or I'm going through something, I I write the date down, the circumstances. And under this entry, in one of my Bibles that I just happened to cross, I wrote, I wrote some things that, and it was right by this passage. And they were so vulnerable, they were so completely, I don't know. They were they were uncensored. They are uncensored. And I thought to myself, in a moment, I thought, wow, I can't give this. I can't give this to my my children. I can't do it. What will they think of me? Part of what I talked about, I wrote about was about why if I were God. Back then I wrote, and I can't find it, otherwise I'd read it to you. Um, I wrote a poem called If I Were God. I only wrote a couple of lines there, but the short and the sweet of what I wrote in my Bible is if I were God, I wouldn't have saved me. I'd have been done with me. And I don't know your life. But I know in my Bible I wrote down, and they weren't small things, they were huge things. Things I was struggling with. I just it it immediately took me back to that moment. I don't remember whole, I don't know, not decades, I guess, but I mean, we were watching a couple shows last night. I didn't even Miss Colleen said, do you remember us just watching this? Nope, I don't remember it at all. Brain injuries, spinal cord injuries, they're crazy. But I know this, and the moment I read those notes in my Bible on this passage, I was immediately taken back, and I immediately saw where I was in that place at that time. Maybe you can identify, I don't know. I don't know. But this passage, I think if it doesn't break your heart in love for God, I don't know. Might want to go to my cardiothoracic surgeon and have him check to make sure there is a heart in there. Anyway. These people, we talked about what they did with the calf and all that. It's horrific. But what God does when the silence finally breaks isn't what a single person in that camp expected. And it's not what we expect. We can't fathom the love of God. We can't fathom the forgiveness of God. So we so we toil along under the delusion that somehow God is maybe like our Father, our earthly father. Somehow he's not. He's not forgiven. He's not forgiving. I don't know about you, but I know that is the biggest thing most of us need to break. Because the name God speaks over that wreckage that was Israel at that moment in this passage is the same name he wants to speak over yours. That wreckage in your life, that name God speaks over Israel in those moments is the same name. He wants to speak over your life now. Your life may not be wreckage. I hope it's going swimmingly. But I know an awful lot of your stories, and I know my story. Some of you have endured some of the worst things by your spouse, worst treatment by your spouse, worst treatment by your family. Very few, the very people supposed to love you. The worst treatment by your tribe. Nicole says, 1 Peter 5, 7, cast all your anxiety on the Lord, for he cares about you. Amen. Glory to God. I guess I should say hello. This is True Word, Faith for Life with Dr. Sean. I'm Sean. We're walking the whole story of God one day at a time. In the language it was written, in the culture it was written, and in the context it was written. And the world it was written to. If today laying somewhere tender in you, I wrote a book called True Word Faith for Life. It was written exactly for that. There's a link below, and you can go to true wordfaith for life.com and store. And by the way, leave feel free to leave me a message. Um whatever, whatever you like to do.

So so here we are in this strange place.

Wherever you get your podcast, that's where I am. True Word, Faith for Life with Dr. Sean, S-H-A-W-N. So wherever, wherever it is you you get those on there, follow, subscribe, whatever they call it, and maybe put in the comments. Doesn't matter if you listen on playback. It's a real question. We ask real questions, and they're not for fluff. I wonder if you'd do something for me in the comments below or in the chat. When you picture God's face turned towards you right now, as you actually are, not the not the picture that you send to the world, not the little little trailer vignette that you send to the world. I am talking about the real you that you know and God knows. I apologize, I'm having trouble sitting up today. I don't know why. So if I crumble into a heap, Miss Colleen will come wrap a strap around me, and I forgot to put the little belt thing around the chair. I'll be all right. Listen, when you picture God's face, however you imagine that to be, and he's turned towards you right now and he's looking at you, the realest you there is. The you and him, your family doesn't know. They don't know, they think they know, they don't know. Probably Lynette is probably the one that knows me best in my family, and Miss Colleen, and but from my family, growing up family, probably Lanette. In fact, I would say definitely Lynette. So, so I you know, I know people know me, and I know you know people know you, and we always we always labor under this thought that, oh, they know me. And there's some level of trepidation and there's some level of comfort in that. But reality is they don't. God does. I want you to put it in your mind. Strip all distractions away. When you picture God's face turned towards you right now, in this moment, as you're listening to this, as you actually are, what do you see on God's face as he looks at you, the real you? One word, put it down and hold it. We'll come back to it. So here's where we are. I told you this would be a tough week, and it was. Sunday summation at 6:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, going to be super tough. So if you got the stomach for it, we'd love to see you. I'm gonna use the rest of today and and tomorrow as rest. Try to get a little more strength. And as you'll notice, the mic is in a different place because I'm, as my buddy Joe uh knows. By the way, we're praying, we're continuing to pray for healing for Linda and for Cheryl and for Miss Sharon. Uh, and all of the struggles and fears and the physical pain and recovery that you all are having. We pray for you all the time. But I'm I don't have much of a I don't have much push there. I guess I wore myself out. So I have it here. I hope it's not a distraction. So here's here's where we are. This is reality. For four days this week, God's been telling Moses on the mountain one thing build me a place to live, right in the center of the camp, so I can dwell in the middle of my people. Israelites are his people. That was the whole, that was the whole dream. That was the whole thing. Heaven moving into the neighborhood. But then at the foot of that same mountain, while God is still describing his new home, the people melt their gold into a calf and throw it a party. I need you to understand what that meant back then. This wasn't a contract you renegotiate, it was a covenant between the great king and the people he just rescued. Remember, we went into excruciating details. All the things that God did. Can you imagine? Yeah, I can. I can imagine because I've done this to God. I'm guessing I do it all the time. Or at least more frequently, I'd like to admit. He just rescues you and then we commit open treason on the honeymoon. And that's what happened here. In that world, in the ancient Near Eastern world, a betrayed king didn't counsel his traitors. He erased them. And one more thing they knew that we've forgotten in the ancient Near East, the presence of your God was everything. Your life, your protection, your future. To lose the presence wasn't a bad mood, it was a death with a pulse. And I want you to keep one word in your pocket as we go along. When these people ask about God's name, they don't mean a label on a form. This isn't some sanitized thing. Just some minor record keeping. When these people ask about God's name, they don't mean something simple, something basic, something just. In this world, in the ancient Near Eastern world, your name was everything. It was the truth about who you are, who you really are. So when Moses asks to know God's name, he isn't asking how to address him. He's asking what God is actually like all the way at the center. Now here's the text. Exodus Echodos Shemot 33, verse 3. Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey, God says. And then this, but I will not go up among you, lest I consume you on the way, for you are a stiff-necked people. Feel that. Feel that. For four days it's it's been I will dwell among them. And now it's I will not go up among you. You can have the land. I promised you that. You can have it. Every gift I promised, I don't break my promises. But you can't have me. You cannot have me. Because if I come that close to a people this stubborn, I will destroy you. And here's how you know they've changed. They don't celebrate the land. Verse 4, they mourn and they strip off their jewelry, the same gold they'd have melted for another calf a week earlier. We can't be mad at them. We do the same thing. They've grasped, they've grasped the one thing that changes everything. The land was never the prize. Oh yeah. Sure, we could look at it in the in the world that we think, the way we value things. Well, it's the land, the real property, the real estate. No, that was never the big prize. The presence of God was a promised, a promised land with no God in the middle of it. That's just real estate and nothing more. So Moses goes into the tent where God speaks with him face to face as a man speaks to his friend. And he does the bravest thing he's ever done. And Moses is pretty darn brave. He argues, verse 15, if your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. Can you imagine? Moses Moshe says, if you're not going, I don't want to go. If you're here, I'm going to stay here. I don't care what it's like here. And I don't care how good it is there, how bad it is here. If you're not there, I'm staying here with you. Rather than to walk into paradise without you. Are you hearing that? Are you hearing that? Is that sinking in? I'd rather be stuck in the worst possible circumstances with you than to be in the best possible circumstances without you. And God relents. Verse 14. And I will give you rest. Now Moses gets bold. And he asks for what his soul is starving for. Verse 18. Please show me your glory, he says to God. And that word there is Kavod. Kavod, spelled Kavbit Vav Telet. It means wait, the full substance of who someone really is. Your glory, your Kovod.

He's not just asking for his name. He's saying, I want to know, I have to know who you really are. And I want you to watch God's answer.

Because it changes how you read the entire Bible. Verse 19. I will make all my goodness pass before you. Moses asks to see God's glory, and God answers with his goodness, as if all the way down at the center of God.

What's waiting is goodness.

He hides Moses in the cleft of a rock and shields him with his own hand. Because nobody survives the full blaze. In chapter 34. Grace on the far side of the breaking. And in the cloud, God passes by and proclaims his name.

I want you to listen slowly. Listen slowly. Hear this all the way through.

These are the most quoted words about God in the whole Old Testament of the Bible. The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin. But who will by no means clear the guilty.

Are you listening? Look at what he leads with.

After the calf, after the betrayal, the first words out of his mouth about himself are merciful and gracious. That first word is rachum. Spelled Rish Vav Mim. And it comes from Rekhem, the word for a womb.

Yeah.

It's the fierce protective tenderness of a mother for the child she carried. That's what God says about Himself first. Then slow to anger and abounding in Chesed, spelled Chet Salek Delet. And that's where the three translations are. Each made a quiet choice for you that you're unaware of if you don't know. The ESV hears the love in it and says steadfast love. The NASB, New American Standard Bible 2020 version, hears the loyalty in it and says faithfulness. The complete Jewish study Bible just hears how much of it there is and says so much love. Three very trusted, and you can trust them, translations. Three different English words, all reaching for one Hebrew word, no single English cup can hold.

Covenant love, so loyal, it won't let go.

And right alongside it, he says, He'll by no means clear the guilty. A god little g of only mercy is a pushover. A god little g of only justice is a tyrant. The real God, capital G is both.

And there's one place in history where we meet both at once, and we'll get there.

Moshe or Moses comes down and his face is shining. The Hebrew word here is Qaran. Spelled Kuf Erish Nun. Karan comes from Kirin, the word for a horn. I want you to hear this. Don't miss this. Don't miss it. It's worth hearing. And I bet you never heard it before. I bet you've never heard this before. I'm almost going guarantee you've never heard this before. Kuron comes from Karin, the word for a horn. His face is throwing off rays, beams, horns of light because he's been standing in the glow of the glory of God. Now watch what one translator did with that. Centuries later, the Latin Bible rendered Karan as contact. Horned, not shining, horned. And that one word is why for a thousand years artists have carved Moses with actual horns. Michelangelo's statue in Rome, if you've ever seen it, has horns on it. You're welcome to look it up. Has actual horns on it. Michelangelo. He was just going by what he read. It was wrong. Michelangelo's statue in Rome has horns right on the forehead of Moses. Over one translation choice on this verse alone. That's how much translation, that's how much weight it can carry, good or incorrect. And that's why I checked the Hebrew and the Aramaic and the Cornean Greek myself. That's why I'm here, and I hope it helps you. So I want you to come back to that quiet morning. Come back to you. Bracing for the verdict again. You've been laying there writing God's speech for him, the one you think he's going to lay you out with. You already know what he'll say. You've heard it in your head a hundred times. I'm disappointed in you. I'm done with you. I'm disgusted by you. And then the real God stands up over the wreckage of you, of the worst things you've done. And he speaks his actual name. And the first word out of his mouth isn't the word you wrote for him. No. First word out of his mouth is merciful. Not because what you did was nothing. He never says that. Your sin is real, your hurts, habits, and hang-ups are real. And he treats it as real. But merciful is who he is at the center. Before you fix a single thing on the morning after, that camp was bracing for consuming fire. They expected, oh, this is it. He's gonna burn us up. And he could easily. And what passed by them instead was womb, deep mercy. Speaking their king's own name. And look what Moses does with the very thing that should have disqualified them. God said, I can't go with you. You're stiff-necked. You're arrogant, you're self-centered. You're addicted. Your hurts, habits, and hang ups, no small thing. Your sins, no small thing. And in chapter 34, verse 9, Moses prays, Go with us, for it is a stick, stiff-necked people. He turns the reason for the distance into the reason for the nearness. Not I'll do better, so you'll stay. But instead, we can't survive without you. So please come. Welcome, welcome, welcome to you all. I don't know if I remembered to say that. I know it's bad. We'll do better. I promise. If if you stay, we'll do better. No, no, no. He doesn't say that. He says, we can't survive without you. And I don't want to survive without you. If you're not in it, I don't want to be in it. I'd rather be in the wilderness, here with you, than in the promised land without you. My heart is so heavily burdened by this message. I cannot tell you. So I give you this. Here's the one thing to do today before the sun goes down. Name it. Remember that thing early on. Name it. Out loud to God. Name the one thing you've been bracing for him to condemn you for. And don't soften it. Don't make excuses. Say the real thing. And then instead of writing the response that you imagine him giving, that you've always imagined him giving. Read him his own words back. Open to Exodus 34, verse 6, and say it out loud as his answer to you. Merciful. Period. Gracious. Slow to anger. Overflowing with steadfast love. These are the words he put into his own mouth. That is the character and nature of God. Merciful, gracious, slow to anger, overflowing with steadfast love. Let the name He chose be the verdict you actually hear. Here's where all of this, all of it has been going. And you can do with it whatever you wish. Far be it from me to tell you how to deal with all this. And I know there's a million things vying for your attention. And I respect that. The fact of the matter is. This whole week you could. The scriptures were hard. I had a hard time. I gotta recover. But I gotta tell you this, worth it at try at twice the price, worth it to me. Because here's where all of this has been going. Moses begged, show me your glory. And he got the afterglow hidden in a rock, God's hand over his eyes, because there's no way he'd even be able to stand it. But listen to Yokennan, how John opens the gospel, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, New Testament, if you're not familiar. This is how he opens his gospel. Are you ready? Are you listening? The word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory full of grace and truth. These Hebrew words are chesed and emet, the exact two words from the name on the mountain. The glory Moses only saw the back. He only saw the back of, put on flesh, and walked into the room. You want to see the goodness of God at the center of God?

Look at Yeshua. Look at Yeshua. Thank you, brother.

Look at Yeshua. Look at Jesus. You want to see the goodness of God right here in the center of God. We can't look upon God because his glory shines so bright. So he gave us his son Yeshua, Jesus. And that presence, Moses, He wouldn't move without. He wouldn't move. Remember what he said? I've repeated it three times on purpose. He said, if you ain't going, I'm not going. If you aren't going to be there, it isn't worth me being there. I'll stay here. I'd rather be in prison with you than free without you. And that presence, Moses wouldn't move on without in Yeshua. In Yeshua, God didn't camp outside the gate. He didn't stay behind a veil. He came all the way in. His name is Emmanuel, God with us. And if you belong to him, his own spirit lives in you right now, closer than your own breathing, where Moses had to hide in a rock and be shielded from the glory just to survive it. You are hidden in the true rock and you look full into the face of God in Yeshua, unveiled and live. I have for you today a challenge and a choice. You can keep doing what you've been doing. You can keep bracing. You can keep writing God a speech he never planned to give. That speech was never on God's heart, let alone his lips. Or you can believe the name he actually spoke over the wreckage, and you can let it change how you get out of bed tomorrow. One is a prison, the other is rest. And he's already told you which one he's holding out. Which do you choose to grasp? I want you to pray with me, and prayer isn't asking for an easy journey, it's asking for a strong back. Pray with me. Father, we come to you on the morning after, carrying the thing we swore we'd never carry again. God, you know we've been so sure we already knew what your face would look like. I thank you. I thank you that you spoke your name before we could clean ourselves up. Merciful, gracious, slow to anger, overflowing with faithful love. I can't thank you enough that you wouldn't go on without us. And then in Yeshua, you came all the way in. Father, teach us to stop flinching. Teach us to bring the very reason we feel and are disqualified to you as the reason we need you the most. I ask that you be the presence in the middle of our lives and not just the gift at the edge of them. We don't want the land without you. Heavenly Father, we want you. If you've never once met the God whose glory is his goodness toward you, I want you to hear this. You don't have to brace anymore. You can come to him today. Don't wait. You keep putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. And I'll be honest, I don't understand it. And yet I do. You can come to Yeshua Jesus today, exactly as you are, on the far side of your worst thing, the worst thing about you. He knows it already. He knows the truth. And still he is here with his arms outstretched saying, Come on. If that's you, if you've never placed your faith in Christ, I want you to pray this and mean it with me. Are you ready? Let's resolve this right now. Yeshua, I need you. I believe you died for me and you rose from the grave. I surrender my life to you today, willingly. A little bit afraid, but willingly. I ask that you forgive me my sins, my hurts, my habits, my hang-ups. Help me with that thing that keeps breaking me down. Fill me with your Holy Spirit, your Ruachha Kadesh. I ask that you lead me. My life is yours. In your matchless heavenly name, my Savior, my redeemer, my Lord. Amen. If you just prayed that, I'm not kidding. If you just prayed that, the presence Moses could not live without now lives in you. And the glory you could have never survived now rests gently on you in the face of Yeshua. Don't carry this one alone. Tell one real person out loud today. Or look, if you don't have friends, whatever the circumstances are, if you don't have somebody to tell, tell me. Send me a message. Send me a message. True WordFaithforLife.com. Contact.

My friends, I don't get money every time you go there. It's just a way to connect.

You don't have to give up your most secret information, none of that. There's a vetting process for a reason. People have mailed white powder to our home. People have mailed pictures of bullets to our home and said the next one is for you. So that's why we do that. I have a weird background, and that brings some risk to the everyday. And sometimes people don't like what you say, and you speak the truth, and they don't like it. They killed Charlie Kirk for it, and I couldn't even put on Charlie Kirk's sandals. But you just gotta understand the world we're living in. So just contact me there, we'll work you through it. It'll be easy. I've made sure of it. Today I want you to go unbraced. The God, the God whose deepest glory is his goodness. He has spoken. He has spoken his name over the wreckage of your life, no matter how large or small it may be. And in Yeshua, he has come all the way home to you. Merciful, gracious, slow to anger, and his face is turning toward you, and it's shining. I don't know where you are, I don't know your life, but if this has reached you this morning, send it to one person you know who's lying awake right now, or maybe spent the night last night, lying awake in their bed, bracing for a verdict from God. Send this to them. It's free to do. Sunday at 6 30, we'll be back here, Lord willing. I want to pray this over you. I'm nobody special. Trust me when I tell you, I'm nobody special. But I want to pray the prayer that's been prayed for thousands of years. And I want to pray it in his heavenly name and in what we call in Hebrew Lashon al Kadesh, the language of God. Are you ready? I want you to receive it today. And until 6 30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Sunday, we're going to sum all of this up. It has been a difficult week. I don't think you want to miss that episode. Thank you, by the way, to everyone listening. Those of you who've gotten up early to listen live. Those of you who have stayed up. You've just gotten home from work, 12-hour shift in the emergency room. You're fixing to go to bed and you're tired. And you spent the time listening to this. It blows my mind every time, all of you. And I'm blessed by it. And I pray God blesses you. And that is why I pray this blessing over you today. Here we go. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you. There's that word shine upon you. Now you understand it better. You understand it completely and be gracious to you. Boy, do you ever understand that. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Until Sunday at 6 30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Shalom Bishem Yeshua.